Dying to Self — Finding Life in Christ

Colossians 3:5 — “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you.

One of the hardest truths of following Jesus is learning to let go of ourselves. And not just letting go, killing our natural tendencies that make up the “self” part of us. As Jessica Lusk-Dennis recently pointed out so well, our natural tendency is to cling to our own desires, opinions, and control; yet, Jesus calls us to something deeper. He said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

But this is hard…extremely hard…especially when our flesh wants nothing more than to sit contented with the things that are as conformed to us as our own skin. Oh, we might have a fleeting thought about something we need to give up, such as when we see pride reflected in a mirror or recognize selfishness is rearing its head in the midst of wanting our own way, but when the feelings of remorse in recognizing our lack of Christlikeness are no more significant than saying “I need to change that behavior. I’ll make a good attempt…”, nothing is likely to change. And sometimes, our actions are to hide evidence of the fleshly parts of ourselves, thinking we are okay if no one sees them. It’s like mowing over weeds, believing it’s better now because it looks good to those on the outside. But weeds never die unless they are pulled out at the root, and in the same way, behaviors never die unless they are slain. They must be entirely put…to…death! 

Is it painful? Yes! Yes, it can be, depending on how deeply a fleshly behavior is part of us.

Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!

While it is painful and may feel like loss, it’s actually freedom. Dying to self means we are no longer enslaved to tendencies that are exhausting, controlling, and preventing us from becoming the person we hope to be…one who is being beautifully sanctified to be more like Christ. Jesus said, “Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25). When we die to self, we discover true joy, peace, and purpose—the kind that comes only from living in step with the Spirit.

So how is this accomplished?

First, we must start by recognizing our need to die to self and that we can never crucify our flesh apart from the workings of the Spirit within us (Romans 8:13). He is, and will always be, the only way to receive a transformed life.

Next, we must surrender to the Holy Spirit fully, which means surrendering both the obvious fleshly traits that are apparent to us and those that are hidden. Our enemy would love to keep us blinded to our own truth, keeping it all hidden in darkness. But we cannot surrender something we do not know exists. My experience has been that I must have my shortcomings brought into the light before they can be entirely slain. Nothing lurking beneath the surface can be left unchecked, or it will continue to feed upon our flesh and grow.

Does God have the power to sanctify us without us knowing it? Of course, He could! He is sovereign and can do whatever He pleases. But just as He chooses to partner with us in our salvation even though we were already chosen to be His before the foundation of the earth (Ephesians 1:4), He also chooses to partner with us in our sanctification. Like a mother gently tells a child when they behave in a displeasing way (…okay, maybe not always so gently, but we are working towards that Christ-likeness, right?), our God will gently let us know when something in us is displeasing to Him. I love that my experience of God is that He generally doesn’t shout. For some of you who may have had parents who did, this should come as a great relief. But I’ve also learned that I have to turn to Him if I am to hear His voice and receive His correction, and when I draw near, even in my flesh, there is a blessing of sanctification that always follows.

I recently felt drawn to lean in to God and ask the Holy Spirit to highlight for me areas in which I need to die to self, including both those I’m somewhat aware of and those I might be entirely blind to.  If I’m being honest, I always cringe when I ask God to reveal more of my fleshly tendencies because I know He will always have something to say. And boy did He this time! A short time later, I had a list of 14…yes, fourteen…different areas in which I’m not reflecting Christ consistently. I didn’t expect so many, but I am so grateful to have asked and received.

The thing I love about receiving a list like this is that I know I don’t have to accomplish this slaying on my own. Through salvation, I received the gift of the Holy Spirit, which allows me to partner with Him in each of these areas. Through this partnership, I gain wisdom not only for the list itself, but also in His revealing the truth about when I most often get tripped up in an area, why I get tripped up, and what steps are necessary for the dying of self to take place. He also provides the strength to turn the opposite direction when my flesh is saying “walk this way” so that I can turn to Him as He says “No…Walk this way” (Isaiah 30:21).          

Now, it would be great if we could simply identify all of the areas of our flesh that need to be mortified and then “hire” the Holy Spirit to do the work for us. But it doesn’t work this way. As mentioned, God chose for us to be part of our sanctification process, and we partner with the Holy Spirit in this. His part is to give the wisdom, direction, and equipping. Our part is to act upon that. And this is generally accomplished in one of two ways: directly slaying our flesh with the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word (Eph 6:17), or starving our flesh to death by giving it no provisions (Romans 13:14).

The enemy wants us to have a strong desire for things of this world. He no less tries to tempt us than he did Jesus in the Wilderness. But just as Christ was able to use the Word of God in response to these temptations, we, too, are called to use scripture for this purpose. I’ve found that this is especially useful in combating the temptations of the mind, such as believing a lie about myself or following the path of insecurity. God’s Word is embedded in truth, which is why the Sword of the Spirit is so powerful and effective in slaying each and every lie. This is a primary reason it’s so vitally important for us to embed scripture in our hearts for use immediately when our negative thoughts need to immediately be slain.

But for temptations that follow more of a lusting after things of this world and recurrent patterns of behavior, starvation is necessary. While we often believe the key to overcoming temptation is in willpower, it isn’t; it’s in what we’re feeding or not feeding. Whatever we feed will grow, and whatever we starve will die.

When we feed our flesh…by indulging earthly things, pride, fear, comparison, self-pity, or any other sin…we give strength to what Christ calls us to crucify. But when we deliberately starve our flesh by denying it its cravings, we weaken its power and clear space for the Spirit to reign.

Starving the flesh doesn’t mean merely avoiding “bad things.” It’s about intentionally choosing to feed better things, the things that strengthen our faith. It’s deciding to open our Bibles instead of scrolling endlessly. It’s replacing gossip with prayer, criticism with gratitude, and comfort-seeking with serving. It’s saying “no” to the impulses that draw us away from God so that we can say “yes” to the things that draw us near to Him.

Romans 13:14 tells us, “Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” That means cutting off its supply lines, removing the footholds that make sin convenient or comfortable. The Spirit gives us discernment to recognize where those footholds are, and the courage to dismantle them.

At the same time, we must feed our faith. Just as our physical bodies grow stronger when we eat nourishing food, our spiritual lives flourish when we consistently feed on God’s truth. Faith is strengthened through the Word (Romans 10:17), through prayer, through worship, and through walking in obedience even when our emotions protest. Each time we choose God over self, we’re building spiritual muscle and training our hearts to delight in His will.

Feeding our faith also means surrounding ourselves with the right influences…people, music, books, conversations…that point us toward Jesus rather than away from Him. It’s amazing how the atmosphere around us either fuels our flesh or fuels our faith.

If we are to truly die to self, we must be intentional about what we are feeding daily. Flesh and faith cannot thrive together; one will always weaken as the other grows. The beauty of this truth is that starving the flesh doesn’t leave us empty. It makes room for the abundance of God’s Spirit to fill us. And when the Spirit fills us, we don’t just survive; we thrive. Our desires begin to change, our thoughts are renewed, and our hearts start to beat in rhythm with His. The death of the flesh becomes the birthplace of true life.

And remember, dying to self is not a one-time event; it’s a daily, moment-by-moment choice. It happens when we hold our tongue instead of lashing out, when we say no instead of giving in to people-pleasing, when we choose forgiveness over resentment, when we prefer others above ourselves, when we surrender control instead of demanding our own way. Each act of obedience is another nail in the coffin of our old self…and another breath of life in the Spirit.

Paul writes in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” This is the heartbeat of dying to self. It’s not about losing who we are, but about becoming who we were always meant to be in Him. The more we die to what is earthly in us, the more room there is for the beauty of Christ to shine through.

So today, if the Spirit convicts you of an area that needs to die, don’t shrink back. Lean in. Ask the Spirit for wisdom and discernment. Then commit to partnering with Him to kill off your flesh by whatever means necessary, whether embedding scripture in your heart as the Sword of the Spirit, or starving it to death as you delightfully feed your soul on the things that are not of this world. In this, you will gain something far better…a transformed life that reflects Jesus with fruit that lasts, a spirit at rest, and a heart more aligned with His kingdom.

Ardently His,

Leah

To download the Ardently His app, click here.